And then there were four. May 19, 2011

 

It was early spring, in the middle of the Jewish holiday of Passover, when I was in my office wrapping up a few things before going home for the weekend.  It had been a really hectic few weeks.  I was in the middle of transitioning my work to the person who was taking over my department for my mat leave, as well as training a new staff member who had just joined the organization.  I had lost a week of productivity because of my appendectomy (see previous post) and we were all getting a little frantic, trying to wrap up all the loose ends and go over all of the details before my last day.  my “to do” list was programmed into my blackberry, and I was slowly working through it.  I had been participating in conference calls from my couch during my recovery, had crammed my remaining workdays with meetings, and was often still working into the night.  On top of that, I had a couple of school assignments to finish, and we were trying to find time to clear out all of the stuff out of our home office, which was to be the baby’s room.  So of course, as I was wrapping up in my office that Thursday afternoon, I was hoping for a little time to get everything done.  And then…

I felt something.  I thought that maybe, just maybe, my water had broken but wasn’t sure.  When you are pregnant, it can be a fine line between your water breaking and just being incontinent.  Just in case, I gathered up a few personal things from my desk to bring home and got ready to leave.   I said goodbye to my colleagues but didn’t say anything when they said, “see you next week!” except, “see you then!   have a great weekend!”.    I got into the car and drove to the hardware store (we were painting our hallway and had run out of paint).  In the parking lot, I called Mike.  I could hear some slight panic in his voice as I explained the situation to him.  He had a ju jitsu grading that night and wasn’t sure what he should do.  I told him to go.  Then I paged my midwife.  When she called back, I explained what was going on.  She gave me some advice and recommended that in a few hours I should stop by the clinic if I thought I needed to so they could confirm what was going on.  Meanwhile,  I went into Lowe’s and got my paint, and then drove to the kosher bakery to pick up a kosher for passover birthday cake for my mother in law for our family dinner the following night.

I had had plans to pick up Yona from daycare and go over to my friend Sara’s parent’s place for a playdate with her little guy, Avi.  Sara is my oldest friend and was visiting from San Francisco.  I called her, explaining what was going on and she immediately decided that she would come down to me.   Sara, her husband Chai & Avi stayed and played with Yona while I went to see my midwife.   Aimee, my midwife, confirmed that it was my water.  We talked a little bit about how to move forward (I was still technically one day away from 37 weeks which is considered full term which meant that if I went into active labour I may have to go to the hospital) and agreed that I would go home and call her when my labour was active. 

I got home, feeling excited, nervous, thrilled.  I called Mike and told him to come home.  Chai took Avi home, but Sara stayed.  She helped with Yona, giving her dinner.  She did laundry, washing all of the little newborn sleepers and outfits that I had put aside but hadn’t washed yet.  She cleaned and organized our bedroom, helping me put the plastic sheet on the bed and organize all the home birth supplies which I had thankfully picked up the day before.  We went through the list to see what was still missing, and when Mike got home, Sara went out to pick up diapers, and all the extra things we needed.  She ended up staying all night. 

When I had put Yona to bed earlier, I explained to her that I thought the baby might come while she was sleeping.  She was excited.  Mike explained that she might hear some noises and that would mean that mommy was working hard to help the baby come down.  I thanked her for showing me how amazing it is to be a mommy.  I lay down with her as she fell asleep.  I was so happy she was there.  I had always wanted her to be there during my labour, even if she slept.  I felt like her presence would make me stronger, would help me remember what it was all for.

I tried to rest.  I felt some contractions but they were inconsistent and not too strong.  This continued for a while until my active labour began around midnight-ish.  The midwives arrived at 1:30.  I was tired, so tired.  My pregnancy had given me a lot of sleepless nights, and it happened that the night before, I had only gotten about 2 hrs of sleep.  My contractions were strong.   I couldn’t speak anymore.  I tried to fall asleep in between.  This lasted for a while until I said to Aimee that I wanted things to move faster.  She explained to me that we needed to try different positions to try and move things along.  In order for my labour to progress, I was going to need to really work with the intensity, and was going to need to try and help the baby descend.  She had me walking around, sitting on the toilet.  One of the midwives made me sweet tea to boost my energy.  At some point I was in the bathtub, at another just leaning against the bathroom wall.  Mike was supported me throughout.  I had forgotten how this felt.  I tried to focus on the image of the baby slowly moving down.  I tried to will the baby to descend.  I was moaning, trying to breathe through everything.  The outside details were blurry.  Aimee and Mandy, my midwives, were monitoring the baby’s heartbeat. they tried to have me drinking continuously- gatorade, tea.  At a certain point, I threw up.  I felt as though I was losing steam.  Aimee talked me through it.  She reminded me that it had only been a few hours.  She encouraged me to “let them (the contractions) be big”.  She and Mandy and Michael praised my breathing, and kept telling me how well I was doing.  They called Claire, the third midwife, so she could be there when the baby arrived. 

Getting to the point of being ready to push felt harder this time.  With Yona,  my waters had never broken.  At some point, after I  had been in active labour for 5 or 6 hours, the midwives broke my water for me and I remember that very quickly after that, my labour progressed and I had the urge to push almost immediately. It felt like something I had little control over, something that just happened. This time, it felt that I had to work with my body to get to the point of pushing, and it felt so so intense.  I felt that I was getting so close.  I wondered how I could keep going.  it felt as though it was lasting so long.  I saw the clock, saw that it was 5:30 am, and thought about how yona would be waking up soon.   I asked for a birthing stool.  Claire had one in her car…she ran to get it.  Yona woke up while I was labouring on the birthing stool. Mike went into to her room with Sara.  Sara took her down for breakfast,.  they made little faces in yona’s yogurt with fruit and sara kept talking non stop to distract yona from my intensifying moans upstairs.  Soon after labouring on the birthing stool I felt this primal sensation take over, bringing me low to the ground and unleashing a voice inside of me that took over, growling while i hung off of Mike.  Aimee urged me back over to the bed to get ready to push.  I wasn’t wearing my glasses at this point…the room was blurry.  the urge to push felt so intense and pushing took so much energy that my eyes were closed.  in my mind i could see the babies head appearing and then disappearing as I pushed, like a small stone visible every time a wave washed over it.  it was so close, it just need to complete that one final passage.  someone urged me to put my hand down to feel the baby’s head.  I felt it- a soft wet being beginning to emerge.  my eyes still tightly shut, trying so hard to focus focus focus.  a burning sensation.

then Aimee talking me through, telling me when to slow down, how to breathe, as she helped ease the baby’s head through.  And then, with a rush, out with the baby who was suddenly resting on my bare chest and belly.  Joyful sobs overtook me…I couldn’t stop crying.  The baby was lying on my belly.  Mike checked- a little girl!  A new life had entered the world.  We called Yona in right away.  Sara led her in with Mike.  She was wide eyed, excited, entering our room with a little trepidation- her weeping mommy, naked on the bed with a wet little creature covered in vernix on top of her, and three midwives busily taking care of me and the baby must have been a lot to absorb- but came right to me and all she could say was, “she came out!  I didn’t know she was going to come out but she came out!  I am so happy!”  She watched, interested, as the baby started to nurse and as my placenta was delivered.  Once we were all cleaned up and the baby swaddled, we sat Yona on the bed and she held the baby for the first time.   Sara made breakfast for everyone.  When everyone had cleared out, I crawled into bed.  It was morning, and I was exhausted from the long night’s journey.  The phone was ringing, Mike was with yona downstairs.  Sara tucked me in, holding the swaddled baby as I drifted off.  Glorious sleep.

Nava Aviv (Hebrew for “lovely spring”)  Zelcer Noble was born at 6:58 am on April 22nd on the same bed in the same room of the same house as her big sister Yona.    Welcome to the world, my precious child.  I am filled with gratitude for the blessings in my life.  I am so grateful for Michael,  my partner, my co-parent, my support.  I am so thankful for  the support of our midwives.  I felt so supported during the birth and am so appreciative of the way Aimee guided me through.  I am filled to the brim with gratitude and joy that my oldest friend in the world Sara was present for this profound event and her presence gave us all strength and so much support.  I am so grateful for my body that once again proved that it knows what to do and am grateful that I found the strength inside of me to let it.  Most of all, I am grateful for the blessing of two beautiful and healthy little girls.   My little girls.

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