here we are, eleven weeks after Nava’s birth. Once again I am sitting here writing this post with a baby strapped to me in the same babywrap I used with Yona. Nava is a serene baby in this wrap. She could probably spend a whole day in here, with brief respites for nursing and diaper changing.
It drives me a bit nutso when people ask me, “is she a good baby?”, because really, all babies are “good” and that is usually how I respond. I think what people are really asking is whether she cries a lot, sleeps well, eats well. Using these things as a measure, I would say little Nava is a peaceful girl. She nurses like a champion- so often in fact, that I am shocked that she is physically smaller than Yona was at the same age. She has been gaining weight well but is still a little one. She also has blue eyes and blondish/reddish hair, fair skin. So different from her sister. How amazing that children can be so different in those ways.
In other ways, there are similarities. Both born exactly at 37 weeks, at home. The passionate screaming hatred of the car seat and driving, for another- but unfortunately for Nava, sometimes she doesn’t have a choice. She hates being put down, like Yona. she calms down when swaddled, like Y. She is a pretty good sleeper at night…after nursing most of the evening, she can sleep for longer stretches at nighttime, which I am grateful for.
As for differences, Nava is much calmer than I remember Yona being. I remember Yona embodying that typical newborn-three month caricature of a crying, screaming, colicky baby who is dealing with the shock of having exited the womb and doesn’t get past the shock until 3 or 4 months. There was a lot of aggressive shushing and many, many deep knee bends with Yona. I lost an insane amount of weight in a very short period of time with her because we were always on the move. I always joked that I had wished I had used a pedometer to measure the thousands and probably millions of steps and kilometers I walked with Yona during our year together. Maybe Nava’s calm nature is the reflection of a calmer parent- which I certainly am the second time around.
Nava is pretty relaxed. she loves cuddling, nursing, cuddling while nursing. Her serious, pensive face was replaced around 6 weeks by a bright eyed, smiling little face. she looks around avidly, taking it all in. she is interested in that amazing creature we call Yona, whose face is always pressed right up against Nava, cooing, joking, poking, prodding, and endlessly, ceaselessly chatting. She has a goofiness to her. She has a temper too- when she is displeased, we know it. but she is easily calmed down, usually, and I find that right now, it is pretty easy to go about my day or to do my regular activities with Yona, as long as Nava is strapped to my torso.
It is amazing to me that Nava seems easy. Thankfully, she is healthy, and there have been no difficulties to work through in terms of nursing and colic. We are so lucky and blessed for this. When Yona was Nava’s age, she terrified and overwhelmed me in many ways. I was nervous, and consumed by so many details and struggles around vaccinations, diapering, nursing, sleeping, our parenting approaches…you name it.
Now, Nava as a newborn (I can still call her a newborn, right?) seems pretty straightforward. Yona as a toddler is the challenging one- the meltdowns, the constant negotiations over everything, the endless energy and need for entertainment. She’s also more fun, though now that Nava is increasingly interactive, she is getting pretty fun too. My friends and family laugh about this. How could we have thought it so difficult last time around? Newborns are easy! Easy to say- this time there is no enormous transformation into parenthood, the identity crises, the re-entry into the world post-birth with baby. There is of course re-adjustment as our family dynamic has changed from three to four. Yona has had to work through and is working through the challenges and frustrations of having our attention divided, of Nava’s needs occasionally interfering with playtime or bed time.
I’m a lot less worried about the details this time around. I am focused more on what works practically for me and us and less on what I think I “should” be doing (cloth diapering as an example hasn’t worked so well for me this time around). I care much less about stuff (the second time around you realize how little stuff you really need, and how much you can borrow from others). And besides that one time at 10 days old when I took Nava to her pediatrician because I was terrified that Yona had given her some sort of dreadful disease, I’ve been pretty relaxed about things, including crying. I try not to let Nava cry a lot, but occasionally, I have to put her down for a minute to do something- like get dressed or pee- and when she cries, I know that she will be ok.
Unfortunately, I am close with a few families whose babies have experienced serious health challenges and who continue to struggle. I know how lucky we are. I am overwhelmed by my feelings of gratitude for Nava and Yona’s good health and development.
The last eleven weeks have been sweet. I’ve enjoyed re-entering the subculture of mommies who are off with their babies walking around the neighbourhood endlessly, the world of mom groups and mom gatherings and knowing mom-smiles to other mommas you see outside and in the park. Unlike her sister, who was born as summer turned to fall, Nava was born in spring time and having a spring/summer baby is glorious. We are always outside. She is usually dressed in a thin onesie or dress. Emotionally, it is so much nicer to be a newborn mom when it is glorious outside. Not only for myself, but for the world. I notice how many people on the street, subways, in parks, and stores perk up when they see Nava. Babies do a heart good.
I’ve noticed I haven’t really turned off completely this time around. I am still speaking to colleagues, still aware of what is going on at the office, still thinking about school, still making plans for the fall and for the practicum which I hope to complete this winter. The brain is still working this time.
Until this week, Yona was in daycare full time. This allowed Nava and I some slow, lazy and unstructured days. We napped most mornings, went on walks, or shopped, met friends, or relaxed in the afternoons. For a while Mike was doing pick ups and drop offs at the daycare, and I had a lot of time to just settle in to maternity leave. Recently, however, as I have become increasingly mobile and comfortable with both girls at once, I decided I’d like Yona to move to part time care. Financially, it makes a difference. But more importantly, it is summertime, I am off work, and there is so much fun stuff to do. So for two extra days during the week, it is Yona, Nava and I out in the world. It is a new development- we’ve only has 2 days alone together so far- but it has been good. We went strawberry picking earlier this week, and to the Children’s Storefront yesterday. We’ve spent hours at the park, splashpads, monkey bars, farmer’s markets. We spent Canada Day weekend at my folk’s cottage in Muskoka, where Yona spent many blissful hours jumping into the lake (“one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, four to go!”), playing in the sandbox, reading books. My mom, who is a high school teacher, is off for the summer right now. The other day, she watched Nava while I did my first real yoga class in over a year. I am looking forward to a summer of playdates, more time at the cottage, day trips to places like the zoo, riverdale farm, high park, every splash pad reasonably near our home, berry and apple picking, farmer’s markets.
Life is sweet. I am lucky.
